It sounded like fireworks. The parents watching the baseball game all turned to look over our shoulders, expecting to see the tail end of fireworks and wondering why someone was shooting them off on a random Friday in March. But then, people started running. Gunshots.
The boys had all run to the outfield and jumped the back fence. That’s where I found Noah. He was hunched down with teammates, asking what was happening. One of my dearest friends was with me that night and I hated that she was there and I was so grateful she was there. She hunched down with the boys and checked in on everyone as I tried to figure out what was happening and if we were safe where we were. I was hearing bits of my friend’s conversation with the boys and I heard Noah keep saying, “I hate guns! Why are they a thing?”
That’s when I spotted a man pacing back and forth about 8 ft away. He had his hands stuffed down the front of his pants and he was clearly agitated. I suspected he had a gun and was thinking through what to do to try to get him away from the kids. Then an umpire starts yelling at all of us to “get out of there” as he waved his arms. So, we all ran into the woods behind the field.
None of us knew where we were going, we were just going. Noah said he was scared. I reminded him that he goes to forest school and probably knows how to navigate the forest better than any of us. Eventually we came to the back side of a field on the other side of the park. By this time, the place was covered in cops and we could hear drones zipping around overhead. It was so eerily quiet other than the drones. Eventually, a cop came near enough for us to ask for an update. He told us to sit tight for a bit longer but that we should be safe to leave soon.
At first, the man I saw was running with us, but at some point he split off. The police later apprehended him in those woods. Turns out, he shot his girlfriend’s ex. At her son’s baseball game.
It’s so baffling to me that women are often dismissed as being overly emotional. Did you know that 9 times out of ten, shootings are perpetrated by men? If we were to talk about mass shootings, that number is even higher. I don’t know this guy’s story, but I would be willing to bet that this was an emotional regulation issue. He was angry and had a gun. At a kids’ baseball game. When I saw him, he was still amped up. He was agitated enough that my alarm bells were going off. It was not a shock to see his picture in the paper the next day. But it was certainly unnerving to realize how close he’d been to my son. My son who was on a rant about how guns were the worst.
That wasn’t the moment we made the decision to move, but it was a turning point. We could no longer live under the (mainly subconscious) belief that things like that happened in other places. It hit us freshly how horrifying it is that children have to do active shooter drills at school. Don’t get me wrong, I’m grateful there’s a plan. I’m grateful they’re taught what to do to try to keep themselves safe. But I grieve the fact that a plan was necessary.
I understand that crime happens everywhere. There are shootings in The Netherlands, too. But I also see parents send their kids to the grocery store on their own. I see kids Noah’s age on public transportation with no parents. There is an underlying sense of safety. If crime is rampant, it touches people. They don’t get to live under that sense of safety anymore. The reality is that not enough people have been touched by the risk of shootings here because they happen so much less often. Now, bike theft, that’s another story…
Again, this was not our only reason for moving. But it was certainly part of it. We’ve found that our values align so much with the Dutch. It’s a capitalist country that is deeply socially minded. They foster independence and freedom in kids. The healthcare system is privatized with boundaries that mean that people are not at risk of being exploited and going bankrupt due to medical bills. We travel via bike, train and bus and no longer own a car. We don’t have to figure out how to make time to move our bodies because it’s a natural part of our daily rhythm. I’ve noticed that I’m living at a slower pace and feel more present and engaged. Our kids are in the most truly diverse classroom setting they’ve ever been in and they seem lighter. Neither of them is able to name what that’s about, but I can see that they are lighter.
No place is perfect and this one has come with challenges. When we made this decision, we had no idea if it was the right call. But you don’t sell 85% of your belongings and move across the ocean on a whim. We did so much research! And while The Netherlands isn’t perfect, it has felt like a really good fit for us.
